It's been awhile..

Hello All, It's been quite the time since I have posted on my blog. Life has been a whirlwind of a time.. but now, it feels like the world has stopped and I am looking above it all and wondering.. what's next for me? I fell in love back in 2011 and thought.. this is it! My dreams have finally come true.. I found an amazing guy, I was going to get married, have kids.. Then recently, it all changed.. My picture perfect dream had come to an end. The relationship was amazing at the start. We went on our first date, things went well, we became good friends, spending more and more time together. We then became boyfriend and girlfriend.. I was very scared as this would be my first boyfriend after quite some time.. I never really had a serious relationship.. I mean I dated guys before but they never really lasted long.. only 2-3 months. It was also amazing he was the same nationality as me, coming from a Portuguese background it's a good thing to keep with that.. anyways.. back to the story. I said yes to him and we started to date.. as time progressed I saw that this guy was really into me, I knew it was time to meet his family and I with his. Things went well! I got a long with his family and as did mine with his. Wow.. my dream is coming true.. next I was hoping for an engagement.. now it was 2013 and we had been together around 2 years.. we went to a jewellery store together and he was watching at the rings I was looking at.. some hope inside was like YES! its coming, finally! I have my happily ever after starting! New Years Day came along.. and just that! He proposed to me! I was on top of the world.. I could picture the wedding now, kids, a house.. Things were still amazing.. we went on our first big trip together, he had never been anywhere out of Canada before so it was very exciting! We started looking for houses together.. it was so fun at first! I could picture our family in the home, making amazing memories.. but then, something changed.. he wasn't as confident as before.. he wasn't acting like the guy I fell for years back.. I kept hoping.. but that feeling turned for the worst. We started to fight more, which we had never ever done before, fights were becoming more meaningful, more hurtful, hard.. we tried to make it work, we decided okay maybe not looking at housing was a good idea right in this stage.. finances weren't the best, the housing market wasn't the best.. well at least that's what I was hoping was the answers to this.. but, it wasn't.. and what happened that one Saturday was my signal to leave.. because what I was originally hoping for.. was no more. He picked me up, like he usually did.. I unfortunately don't have a vehicle because I was saving it to use as a down deposit for our first home.. fair enough, I think that's a very mature thing for a woman like myself to do.. especially after going to school, paying for it all myself.. I never did loans! I didn't want to be stuck paying things back as I got older.. anyways.. he picked me up and he was on the phone with his cousin, who is around the same age as myself and is looking into his future buying his own first home.. that's great I was thinking.. anyways, I could hear the whole conversation as it was on hands free.. and some things my fiance was saying.. made me uneasy.. especially a part where his cousin asked.. who's more picky for searching for the home, my fiance or myself.. and right away.. he blamed me! I was shocked, I mean he had made remarks like this in the past but I never thought he meant it.. he also had a way of telling people just his said.. another thing he spoke with his cousin about was what HE wanted in a house.. never WE.. always himself.. another red flag.. it should be what both people want.. I didn't want much by this time because I was frustrated in looking for a home.. I just knew I wanted a decent sized kitchen so I could actually enjoy cooking. I've always rented since I left my parents place back in 2008 cause that's all I could afford until I felt more stable.. anyways, I also wanted somewhere to do my art.. I love doing art.. like drawing, sketching.. stuff like that but I wasn't really seeing that so I was okay to let that go.. I was also okay with living in an older home, I don't make much.. and I came from a family that we were happy with what we had.. things were hard a lot of the times but I always looked at the brighter side.. My fiance on the other hand.. was more complicated, he was spoiled, he has it good.. Never left his parent's house really to experience the real world, sheltered.. But easily can say he wants everything brand new, be able to show off his home because "he worked for it".. again no WE.. I was miserable.. and he knew that.. the day went on and we argued a bit and didn't talk, he never liked arguments.. neither did I but he would just become mute.. never talk things out with me.. had an excuse to stop the conversation.. never mend it.. I got use to it after some time but wasn't good to do that and I knew that.. anyways as the day went on we were left to babysit his niece, which was fine.. I love kids.. but I wasn't asked prior to this.. maybe I wanted to talk more about this disagreement.. go for a drive, talk it out.. I hated fighting.. but didn't matter what I had to say.. he said ok and that was that.. around 15 minutes into looking after her.. it ends up being just myself.. hes on his phone playing games, or he took off downstairs because it was a hot day and it was too hot to be upstairs.. I kept calm and pretended to be fine with that.. when I wasn't.. the only thing making me happy was his niece.. playing with me, keeping me going so I didn't sit alone and cry.. he comes back up after around an hour.. then sleeps.. his family comes home, grateful that HE looked after his niece.. not I.. him.. ok thats fine maybe they assumed we both looked after her, that's fine.. my fiance and I went downstairs, which we normally do.. still not talking.. I earlier had texted my friend of the day I was having because I really needed to release tension somehow.. I hate to bottle things up.. its not good to.. but anyways he got a call from a long time friend that he hadn't spoke to in quite some time and the friend asked if he wanted to go to the movies.. at first he hesitated because I was there.. and probably felt bad if he ditched me.. but I said go ahead what were we doing anyways? We weren't talking.. it was going to be like that the rest of the night.. so he told his friend he would go. I texted my friend if we could Facetime after.. I really wanted to talk to someone.. anyone.. cause it wasn't going to be him. His family was going out for dinner and asked us if we wanted to go, he said no because he had just made plans for the movie and I wanted to just go home.. I had enough for one day and just wanted to go home and clear my head and relax.. but what happened next.. was the moment I knew.. this is it.. I went to the washroom cause I wasn't feeling so well.. and I heard his family leave out for dinner. He was calling asking if I was ready to go I said no still needed a few minutes in the washroom.. when I came out of the washroom.. it was like I was seeing a monster, someone totally different.. he had went into my cellphone, which is totally out of his character to do.. he had never ever done that before, he went off on me like I had never seen him act before.. he read what I had texted my friend.. about my day.. how upset I was.. I made comments he didn't like.. I understood that and had apologized, it was already said what more could I do.. but that wasn't enough.. he started kicking movies, games all over his room, he tried to grab my arm and grab my phone a second time.. and the worst of all.. he went face to face to me in such a mean and vulgar attitude that I knew.. right in that moment.. that I was done.. he had no excuse for his actions.. and from that day on he would not be able to fix it.. I was... broken.. this was the love of my life.. and to ask for my engagement ring back.. which he did everytime we fought.. this time I took it off right away.. and never would put it back on.. I left that house, he assumed it was like ever other fight and things would be okay in the next day or two.. but not this time.. this time I was broken.. I was shaken.. I was scared.. I never thought I would ever been in this position.. I always looked in the best of people.. I really hope.. in time I can heal from this.. I can become okay again.. It's a part of my life that I will never get back.. I can just move forward..

2011

Another new year, 2011.. I didn't want to make a new year's resolution up this year because I haven't followed through with the others before.. but I am hoping this one could come true. My new year's resolution this year.. and no it's not about weight, the resolution I have tried to meet for years, I gave up on that one. I am happy to be who I am. But anyways, this year my resolution is to find one person that will change my life forever. That's a big resolution to ask for huh? Someone could possibly do it though. I have met some incredible people in all of my life.. so what's one more who could really put a change in my life.. and I am hoping for the best, and not worst.. I know that 2011 has just begun but I hope that this year is a good one. I always seem to be not so happy at the beginning of it, only for my birthday and then I become quite sad.. maybe because I am scared of what's going to happen this year.. not too sure. Life is full of unexpectations.. if that's even a word? I think it is.. anyways, you never know what will happen.. and yes, that scares me! why wouldn't it? (that's a question you don't have to answer by the way.. retorical question!).

One Person

Cracking into millions of pieces
My heart can't handle much more of this
Emotions are going haywire
I want to unleash the bad side of me
Sick of being treated like im worthless
Needing to run away to find an answer
If only one person would come along and change
My world.. forever
When that time will come, I have not a clue
But when that time does come, I hope I am ready

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What A Play

That boy plays a great role
Took my emotions and scripted them
Acts as though he cared
Just to get ahead in his play of me
You can look at him and think he was the lead
Turned into a villian as quickly as can be
Great actor he is
I was the lady in distress
The opportunity to take advantage of my insecurities
Of course you would listen to his words
Can lie right threw his big smile and misleading eyes
Walk around with many secrets in his pocket
Until one day the act had came to a hault
The curtains starting to draw together
The finale had to come sooner or later
The villian starts to crawl out of his body
Take over his thoughts and wishful thinking
Starts to spill out the lies he was keeping
Pretending I never existed
That I was just in his imagination
Thinking he just woke up to a nightmare
I walk into the room
That villian's reaction turns to a pale faced expression
Like he had just died for a second
What was happening to him he thought
She can't be here, it was just a nightmare
She is here, she is! he starts to panic
His other is beside him, she has no idea of who I am
He starts to sweat, quiver and take smaller breaths
Oh Villian the finale is just about to start
This is what you asked for
To be the leading role of my play
But this won't end pretty
The other starts to stare at him
Wondering what's wrong
If only she knew what I knew
I get closer and closer
While he gets paler and paler
I approach him and say only one last thing
Bravo to you, the leading actor

Entry In Top 10 Summer Contest

Hey Guys! So I just stumbled upon a contest for a Top 10 list.. I am entering my Top 10 Summer looks. If you bloggers also want to give this contest a shot here is how to do it!
http://www.top-10-list.org/submit-top10-story/ <<< Just go to that link and all the information you need is right there. THE PRIZE IS $500 CASH! So good luck guys!

Thank You Go Jane!

Hey Bloggers!
So, yesterday I recieved a facebook message from Amy who works for Go Jane. The online clothing store I mentioned in my last blog posting. If you guys haven't read it.. PLEASE DO!! Here was the message I recieved.. Go Christine! Thanks for participating in our ongoing GoJane blog search and for not only sending us a blog that features us but for writing one as well! Below is a $25.00 off coupon for your next order on our site at www.gojane.com. Just copy & paste the below code in the Coupon Code section in the Check Out Cart when placing your order to receive $25.00 off.fblog25Expires: Oct 16, 2010If you have any questions feel free to contact us at (800) U-GO-JANE or service@gojane.com. Happy Shopping! Amy.
Happy indeed was I, this morning I placed my order.. would you guys like to see what I bought... hmm hmm?! I THINK SO!! So here are the items I got :)

So first item I chose was this Strapless Laser Cut Dress, I got it in the colour Red. I never see many red dresses avaliable so when I saw this one.. I HAD!! to have it. Very simple, its great for curvy girls (like myself) who have broad shoulders. This look you can add a lot of accessories too! Me myself, I think I am gonna add a black belt to it to make it pop! Very affordable price at only $19.00. Great find for me I must say. I also don't wear dresses but this one.. IS PERFECT! I cannot wait to recieve it. This dress also comes in Blue (which was my second choice!) and Black. The black version of this dress would also be a great grab. That would definitely be a black dress I would wear over and over again but the red just caught my eye ;).

Since the card I recieved was a $25.00 gift card, I still had $6.00 left over. Go Jane has a special deal going on right now with 5 items on their facebook page. If you do not have them on facebook, add them! they have contests, special coupon codes and tell you the newest items to look for on their site, http://www.gojane.com/. So I took into consideration their 5 for $5.00 deal and found this top. The top is a Ruched Side Draped Front Halter top. It comes in the colours Black, Fuchia and Blue. I went for the Blue colour. I find for my skin colour it will look just right and it's a summery colour. For only $5.00 it was a STEAL!



I just want to say thank you to Amy for contacting me about this prize and would like to thank the staff at Go Jane for taking my blog post into consideration. I hope all have you bloggers keep reading my blog posts, and check out my older stuff!
Thanks, Christine. xo