What's Love?

I do not know how to answer that question, I have never been in love. I don't know how its suppose to feel, or what are the signs to love.. or do you just know? Does having that butterfly feeling in your stomach, and you get so happy when you hear his name that you just want to scream, or when you seem him the world stops.. just like in the movies.. everything slows down, and does this person have all the qualities that you look for in a person and all you think is that they are perfect and every little thing they do it makes your heart beat fast.. thats how I feel about this one guy. We've known each other for years, he doesn't live where I am which hurts.. but, he's also got a gf, which stops me in my tracks right away.. I mean if he was single, I could always go visit him, thats how much I miss and need him.. and "love" him.. is it love though? or am I just attracted, just a crush? I have dreams about him that are so real that it scares me.. I feel crazy but i've tried stopping these feelings.. I can't. I mean if I don't find out if he possibly could be that guy.. I will be stuck.. when I saw him for the first time.. I got that slow movie style feeling.. it reminds me of a movie, he slowly gets out of his white car, with a dress shirt on, and sunglasses, and smiles so big at you, all you wanna do is go Ahhhh! I spent a portion of my summer with him that summer, best summer you could picture. A party at a house on the lake, walking just him and you to this lake, sitting on a little bench, talking for 2 hours straight about anything and everything, not even caring where anyone is or what time it is, just laughing and having fun together, then going for a walk, and seeing animals on the way, then having more laughs and then going back to his place to watch tv and hang out, and then realize its 6am and he drives me back to my hotel when the sun is rising and the sky is pink, orange and purple over a bridge.. what else could you want? I never thought of him in this way.. but the past little while, I realize how much I miss him, and that I don't like it that.. he's not with me, and that I can't be closer to experience more.. I want to be the girl he goes to, and makes him smile , and jokes with him, and cuddles, kisses, hugs.. Now, is this love.. or am I just a crazy girl with a crush.. I do not know.....

To My Future Love, Whoever You Are, Time Will Tell..

I want you to love me for who I am
Forget about the others, I am the winner
Don't you realize that I am the one, you've been looking for
We've talked for years, had our secrets shared, listened to one another,
held and caressed, been intimiate
First moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew, their wouldn't be any other
boy but you, right now, I can't have you, but, I will very soon
I will wait forever if I have to, to be, with you...
Butterflies fill my empty stomach, fluttering to the sound of your name,
I never have felt this way, but with you, everythings true,
I wonder what is in store for you and I, I picture a lot of things , but it must be with you,
the picture isn't perfect until it's me and you <3

Frustration

Oh man, its 2010 and im already upset, it never changes for me, but, I find writing my feelings out is a sense of coping with what's going on around me. It never slows down with wanting to be with someone hey? I always feel like I need that guy around , especially when I am getting older. I turn 21 in 9 days.. so I feel like I should be atleast having the picture in my mind of the guy I could see being the one.. or atleast hes coming into the picture.. but thats not why I am frustrated. I am actually frustrated in my father. I hate how he thinks so old fashion like.. he assumes that finding a job is as easy as snapping your fingers together. I wish it was, I just finished college as a nurse so I WILL get work.. just he makes it out as a time limit.. I have only been finished for two weeks.. he assumes its so easy, guess what, its not when you live in a small town full of NOTHING! if it was a bigger city like Vancouver or Calgary.. I might be in luck right away. For now, I am hoping I do get a job soon so I can move away to a bigger city eventually. Right now I want the job, the car.. and eventually the boyfriend.. but, I know all those things will come, WITH TIME!! A friend has told me many times not to stress about the little things but, sometimes, you can't help it. I get stronger every damn time though. :)