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Sunday, January 17, 2010

What's Love?

I do not know how to answer that question, I have never been in love. I don't know how its suppose to feel, or what are the signs to love.. or do you just know? Does having that butterfly feeling in your stomach, and you get so happy when you hear his name that you just want to scream, or when you seem him the world stops.. just like in the movies.. everything slows down, and does this person have all the qualities that you look for in a person and all you think is that they are perfect and every little thing they do it makes your heart beat fast.. thats how I feel about this one guy. We've known each other for years, he doesn't live where I am which hurts.. but, he's also got a gf, which stops me in my tracks right away.. I mean if he was single, I could always go visit him, thats how much I miss and need him.. and "love" him.. is it love though? or am I just attracted, just a crush? I have dreams about him that are so real that it scares me.. I feel crazy but i've tried stopping these feelings.. I can't. I mean if I don't find out if he possibly could be that guy.. I will be stuck.. when I saw him for the first time.. I got that slow movie style feeling.. it reminds me of a movie, he slowly gets out of his white car, with a dress shirt on, and sunglasses, and smiles so big at you, all you wanna do is go Ahhhh! I spent a portion of my summer with him that summer, best summer you could picture. A party at a house on the lake, walking just him and you to this lake, sitting on a little bench, talking for 2 hours straight about anything and everything, not even caring where anyone is or what time it is, just laughing and having fun together, then going for a walk, and seeing animals on the way, then having more laughs and then going back to his place to watch tv and hang out, and then realize its 6am and he drives me back to my hotel when the sun is rising and the sky is pink, orange and purple over a bridge.. what else could you want? I never thought of him in this way.. but the past little while, I realize how much I miss him, and that I don't like it that.. he's not with me, and that I can't be closer to experience more.. I want to be the girl he goes to, and makes him smile , and jokes with him, and cuddles, kisses, hugs.. Now, is this love.. or am I just a crazy girl with a crush.. I do not know.....

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